you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
