The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
