You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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