I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
