If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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