I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
