Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
