ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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