sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
