Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
