Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
