I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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