ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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