So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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