I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
