Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize