She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
