I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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