I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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