my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
