the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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