I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
