fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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