Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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