My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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