i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I want her autograph on my taint
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
