So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
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Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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