I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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