I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
