I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
