So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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