In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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