he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
