New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You pole danced in your parka.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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