I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will be naked everywhere
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
