It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
