im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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