i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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