i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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