the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
