stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
