do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
