Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
