I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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