I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You need Xanax blowdarts
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
