I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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