Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
