don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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