my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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