I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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