i jhust puked up my retainher.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
