im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
