I should be sponsored by Trojan
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
