My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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