U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
