Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
