you guys were way drunker than both of me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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