Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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