Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
