I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
