I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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