He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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