dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
