i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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