Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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