He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He has the fingertips of a God
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