I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
