Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
