I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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