Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
