So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
