If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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