Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
