i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
